How to Always Get What You Want (Without Being Pushy)
Let me tell you a secret — people break rules for me all the time.
Not because I bully them into it, but because, by the end of our interaction, they feel so connected to me that they want to.
Case in point: a few years ago, I was at the airport, getting ready to fly home from visiting my family.
One of my bags had to be checked and it turned out that the airline I was flying had imposed a new weight limit for checked bags. Bags over this weight limit would be charged an expensive fee.
I didn’t receive any notification about this beforehand and, from the looks of it, neither did the other passengers I saw.
As you can imagine, people were livid. I watched person after person yell and curse at the airline employees as they made their way to the front of the line.
I understood their frustration with being charged an extra fee out of the blue. And, at the same time, I understood that these people at the front desks did not make the rules and were just doing their jobs.
So, when I got to the front of the line, I kept that in mind — even when the employee told me that my bag was 2 pounds over the new limit, and that I would have to pay the extra fee. Still though, I didn’t just accept it quietly either.
I looked at her and gently said, “$50? For only 2 pounds? I know it’s the rule now but I didn’t get a notification about this at all.”
If I had to describe my tone, I’d say it was a mix between “Please?” and “Come on, you and I are both smart enough to know this doesn’t make sense.”
Her response? “You know what, you can go ahead because you aren’t giving hell like everybody else.” And, just like that, the fee was waived.
I thanked her profusely and even sympathized with her about getting cursed out by so many people at 5 in the morning. I could tell by the look on her face that my showing her grace helped her feel a bit better.
And, I think she felt better — not just because I was nicer to her — but because she sensed that I saw her humanity.
Unlike the raging customers, I didn’t just treat her like the boogeyman who was asking for more money. I wasn’t entitled, condescending, or accusatory.
I treated her like another rational human being, who, likely, doesn’t even agree with this fee either. So, during that small moment, it was no longer just employee-to-customer — it was person-to-person.
That small shift in my energy allowed me to bypass the employee-to-customer barrier that would have normally existed between us, and make her feel like we were on the same team.
Even though it meant breaking the rules and, in turn, taking a risk.
Because, when you make someone feel seen, you make them feel connected to you. Someone who feels connected to you will move mountains for you.
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