ASK DAY: I Dodged My Crush's Calls Because I Was Nervous, And Now He's Being Distant. How Can I Fix Things?
November 1, 2016
I recently started talking to a guy cause we had mutual friends and are apart of the same club. Since we're both studying the same thing at uni I messaged him one day about an event that relates to our major but instead of answering my question, he texted me back asking if he could call me later.
Since I pretty much text whenever I need to contact my friends, this freaked me out and I tried so hard to let him know that I'm not comfortable calling to talk. At the end of the night though he still got my number and called. This was the first time we had a phone conversation and it only lasted 5 mins cause I told him I was busy even though I was really just extremely nervous.
The second time he called was when he messaged me out of the blue a few days later and we started sharing stories. Again, he wanted to call so in the middle of the texting conversation we had my phone started ringing. Once I hear his voice the nervousness returns and I use the "I'm busy" excuse again to get out of the convo early and avoid awkwardness.
For the second call in a row I had prematurely ended the conversation with a lame excuse because I couldn't get over my anxiousness. I felt so bad after hanging up cause I could hear his disappointment. It was clear he had so much he wanted to talk about just like during the first call but I let my fears get in the way of that.
I'm worried he thinks I'm blowing him off when in reality I'm just scared of messing up. It's still pretty early but I can already sense him withdrawing and I think it's because of the way I treated his calls. Did I mess up? And if so how do I make things right? I actually miss getting calls from him now.
I get that you're scared of messing things up because you seem to really like this guy. But, making excuses to get off the phone/not talk on the phone with him is giving him signals that you aren't interested. That's why he's withdrawing. So, I say this with love - stop it!
Depending on how long it's been since the last phone call, there's a way you can fix this: Text him saying that you're sorry that you haven't able to talk and that you didn't mean to seem like you were blowing him off, and that you would love to talk on the phone when he's free. (Don't worry about looking desperate - he initiated it the first two times.) Then, the ball is in his court, but at least you tried to fix things.
Oh and don't be scared of messing up in front of this guy - you can't. If he likes you enough to ask you (twice) if he could hear your voice on the phone, then he'll find anything you say to be the cutest thing.